Me: Good morning, Veggie Vagrants?
Caller: Hi, I wonder would you send me out a list of all the Vegetable Officers in the country please?
Me: You mean all the Regional Vegetable Officers? Do you have internet access?
Caller: Sort of... my Veggie Assistant does that for me.
Me: That's fantastic. If you would like to do a search for 'Vegetable Officers in the Republic of Bazoingoid', the first result you get will be a comprehensive list of these people and their contact details.
Caller: *mutters to Veggie Assistant* *mutters some more*
Caller: But we've done that, and you come up as the search result!!!
Me: Eh... no. Sorry, we don't. If you search specificlly for 'Vegetable Officers in the Republic of Bazoingoid', you will not get Veggie Vagrants, you will get a Word document that lists 'Vegetable Officers in the Republic of Bazoingoid'. *cries on the inside*
Caller: *mumbles to the Veggie Assistant some more* *mutters* *harumphs!*
Caller: That's amazing! You really were a fantastic help, thank you so much!!!
Me: That's no problem at all, thank you for calling the Veggie Vagrants.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Suicide Central
Me: Good afternoon, I'm going to blow my brains out?
Caller: Melissa!
Me: Eh, no. There is no Melissa here at Suicide Salsify.
Caller: Melanie? Marissa? Something along those lines?
Me: We have a Moron?
Caller: That's her! That's the one! I was talking to her. Can I talk to her?
Me: No problem. Can I ask who's calling?
Caller: Traylor. (no kidding... he's named after a truck.)
Me: One moment please... ... ... Traylor, she's actually away from her desk, would you mind leaving her a voice mail?
Caller: Does she job share?!?
Me: No, she does not. Why do you ask?
Caller: I left her a message an hour ago and she hasn't replied!
Me: I'm sure she will reply as soon as she is available. Thank you for calling Suicide Salsify.
Caller: Melissa!
Me: Eh, no. There is no Melissa here at Suicide Salsify.
Caller: Melanie? Marissa? Something along those lines?
Me: We have a Moron?
Caller: That's her! That's the one! I was talking to her. Can I talk to her?
Me: No problem. Can I ask who's calling?
Caller: Traylor. (no kidding... he's named after a truck.)
Me: One moment please... ... ... Traylor, she's actually away from her desk, would you mind leaving her a voice mail?
Caller: Does she job share?!?
Me: No, she does not. Why do you ask?
Caller: I left her a message an hour ago and she hasn't replied!
Me: I'm sure she will reply as soon as she is available. Thank you for calling Suicide Salsify.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Importance of Being an Indian Prune
Me: Good afternoon, the Indian Prune Collective.
Caller: I'm so glad! So glad that my call is so important to you!
Me: I'm sorry?
Caller: I am so VERY glad that my call is of such import to your organisation that you answered my call on the third ring and did not allow it to ring indefinitely! Your message said you were busy!
Me: I see... How may I direct your call?
Caller: I'm so glad! So glad that my call is so important to you!
Me: I'm sorry?
Caller: I am so VERY glad that my call is of such import to your organisation that you answered my call on the third ring and did not allow it to ring indefinitely! Your message said you were busy!
Me: I see... How may I direct your call?
The Avocado's Address
An email enquiry, submitted through the 'contact us' section of our website:
'To what address do I send post for you?'
No 70 Avocado Towers, our address, was clearly detailed beneath the enquiry submission form.
'To what address do I send post for you?'
No 70 Avocado Towers, our address, was clearly detailed beneath the enquiry submission form.
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